Movie Review: Santa with Muscles

Santa with Muscles

Cabin Fever Entertainment, Hit Entertainment, USA, 1996.

Naughty millionaire Ebner Frost (Ed Begley Jr.) bullies people of Lakeville. He tries to take away local orphanage. Another millionaire Blake Thorne (Hulk Hogan) is marketing his bodybuilding protein powders. First he practices his wrestling kills and then he goes to play paintball with his crew. Cop Hinkley (Clint Howard, Ron's brother) mistakes them for terrorists.

Ebner Frost

Blake Thorne

Hinkley. Bad, heartbreaker, troublemaker.

Blake hides in local mall and disguises in Santa costume. He hits his head and elf Lenny (Don Stark from "That 70s Show") steals his wallet. When he wakes up has lost his memory and Lenny convinces that he is the real Santa Claus. After listening kids' Christmas wishes, Santa beats up two crooks who try to steal charity money.

Ho, ho, ho!

Lenny

Frost blackmails people to give him their businesses. Frost has three enforcers: Dr. Blight M.D. (Steve Valentine), chemist Dr. Vial (Kai Ephron), electrician Dr. Watt (Diane Robin) and geologist Dr. Flint (Kevin West). They drive an ice cream van although they are neither Justified nor Ancient.

Frost's henchmen

When the villains harass the orphanage Santa saves the day using his strength. Orphanage managers Leslie (Robin Curtis) and Clayton (Garrett Morris) invite Santa and Lenny for dinner. Another "That 70s Show" star Mila Kunis appears as one of the kids Sarah and also Adam Wylie of "Picket Fences" fame appears as Taylor. Third kid is Elizabeth (Aria Noelle Curzon). The kids give Santa's suit to more continental look. Santa with muscles becomes a local hero.

Leslie and the kids

Clayton

Santa with muscles

Although the idea sounds fun, it is not as funny as it could be. This is a stupid movie, not necessary a bad thing but it is also dull and the jokes seem forced. With more enthusiastic direction and better jokes this might have worked. Some kudos must be given to the demented B-movie adventure story that has so far-fetched twists and preposterous characters that they have to be seen to be believed. It is often listed as one of the worst Christmas movies. It is often painful to watch so it is hard to recommend to even most hardcore Hulkamaniacs. Hulk Hogan puts on Santa's suit and prepares a Christmas turkey.

He knows if you've been bad or good

Rating: Bad

Starring: Hulk Hogan, Don Stark, Robin Curtis, Garrett Morris, Aria Noelle Curzon, Adam Wylie, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Paz, Clint Howard, William Newman, Robert Apisa, Pierre Dulat, Steve Valentine, Ed Begley Jr., Kai Ephron, Diane Robin, Kevin West, Eddy Donno, Andre Kinney, Bentley Shuster, Troy Robinson, Pete Apisa, Brenda Song, Malone Brinton, Bridget Michele, Ed Leslie, Blake Shuster, Neill Calabro, Emmy Cicierega, Melody Clark-Curzon, Brian J. Williams

Director: John Murlowski